I lay awake at night haunted by the sound of seconds
fading, hoping that if I hold my breath long enough they would stop and wait
for me to catch up. They don’t, they never do and eventually seconds turn into
minutes, minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days and just like that, half
of my life is lost, taunting me with it’s goodbye alongside those ticking
seconds. I feel like I am stuck in this little world, with no control. I feel
dead.. numb. I want to paint, turning dull canvases into something beautiful. I
want to see the world, the good and the bad. I want to meet people, and learn
their stories. I want to dance around on a beach lit with candles. I want to
lay down in the middle of the road counting stars until my heart beats with the
rhythm of the crickets. I want to kiss the people that I love and be able to
let go of the people who bring me down. I just want to throw my hands in the
air and for god’s sake breathe the fucking air.
I just want to feel alive.
I think that this is the reason that I am so entranced
with photography. For that mere second that I glance through my lens,
secondsminuteshoursdays collide, and my world seems like the whimsical place
that I wish to live.
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